I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended

up this way.

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my

clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had

TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.

I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even

had full medical and dental coverage."

 

I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"

 

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no. I just got out of prison..."

Wonder how much alcohol was involved.

This Joke cracked me up.:funny:

 

Mushroomed.

 

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak,

 

But she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

 

Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms

 

that are growing wild down by the stream?

 

"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."

 

"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."

 

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner.

 

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful.

 

Spot ate every bite.

 

All morning long, she watched the dog

 

The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

 

The meal was a great success.

 

After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,

 

"Mum, Spot is dead."

 

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible,

 

Called the doctor and told him what had happened.

 

The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it..

 

I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.

 

We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs

 

and everything will be fine.

 

 

Just keep them calm."

 

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road.

 

The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

 

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema,

and pumped out their stomach

 

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said,

 

"Everything will be okay now," and with that he left.

 

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the

Living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum.....

 

 

"I can't believe that guy!"

 

"What guy?"

 

"You know, that bastard who ran over Spot;

 

He never even slowed down."