A married couple went to the County Fair every year. Every year the husband would say, “I would really love to take a ride in the plane, hon.” and the wife would reply. “No, it cost fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

 

Every year, it would be the same “No, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

 

This year at the fair, the pilot heard them talking and said, “I’ll make a deal with you, I'll give you both a ride, only if you promise not to say a single word the whole time you are in the air. If you say any word at all, you’ll have to pay fifty dollars.”

 

They both agreed to the deal and off they went. The pilot did all kinds of stunt flying, up and down, sideways, and never a word from his passengers.

 

When he landed, the pilot said, “I’m really surprised, I thought I could get you to say something.”

The husband replied, “Well, I was going to say something when my wife fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

:big_ha:

Aldi

 

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike,

"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

 

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Aldi's.

Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you

what's wrong and what to do about it.

 

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."

 

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Aldi's.

 

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample.

He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

 

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

 

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.

It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Aldi's."

 

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

 

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his

wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

 

Joe hurries back to Aldi's, eager to check the results.

He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

 

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

 

Thank you for shopping at Aldi.