Responsible Adult.

 

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report

that his wife was missing.

 

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home....

 

Sergeant: What is her height?

 

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

 

Sergeant: Weight?

 

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

 

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

 

Husband: Never noticed.

 

Sergeant: Color of hair?

 

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

 

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

 

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

 

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

 

Husband: She went in my truck.

 

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

 

Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.

 

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Bring Me Down Safely

 

"I've never flown before," said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't you?"

 

"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left anyone up there yet!"

Lou Buys A Computer

 

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.

 

For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on.

 

 

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

 

 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

 

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: Your computer?

 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

 

 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 

 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

 

 

ABBOTT: I just did.

 

COSTELLO: You just did what?

 

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: For my office?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

 

 

ABBOTT: Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word?

 

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

 

 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?

 

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

 

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

 

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

 

ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.

 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 

ABBOTT: One copy.

 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

 

 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

 

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT !

 

(A few days later)

 

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

 

ABBOTT: Click on 'START.'