Rich-M Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Not new but its a classic and belongs here: Three Ladies in a Sauna THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM." A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!!" 2 Quote
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 25, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 25, 2015 1 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 25, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 25, 2015 1 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 26, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 26, 2015 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 27, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 27, 2015 2 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
donetao Posted February 27, 2015 Posted February 27, 2015 A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes Sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today? There's something wrong With my penis', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private. The man replied, You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' The man replied there's something wrong with my ear. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. And asked, what is wrong with your ear, Sir?' I can't pee out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter... Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose. YOU KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING! 4 Quote Some times you're the wind shield. Some times you're the bug!!:(
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 28, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 28, 2015 1 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted February 28, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted February 28, 2015 3 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 1, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 1, 2015 2 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 2, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 2, 2015 2 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 3, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 3, 2015 2 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 4, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 4, 2015 1 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 4, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 4, 2015 1 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
FPCH Admin allheart55 Cindy E Posted March 5, 2015 Author FPCH Admin Posted March 5, 2015 2 Quote ~I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~ ~~Robert McCloskey~~
Rich-M Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Folks generally aren't very creative in choosing names for their dogs. That's why there are so many named Rover and Spot. But, have you heard the plight of the fellow who thought he'd be cute and named his dog Sex? It goes like this: "One day Sex and I took a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight? I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up next Tuesday." "But, that ain't the worst part. One day, I went to the town hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then, I said, "You don't understand. She's a dog." He said he didn't care how she looked. When I told him I'd had Sex since I was 5, he said, "You must have been an early bloomer." "When I decided to get married, I told the Minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I'd have to wait until after the wedding. When I protested that Sex had played a big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he said he didn't want to hear about my personal life." "After my wife and I were married, I took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for Sex. She said. "Every room in the hotel was for sex." I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me, too." "When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had Sex before I was married, he grinned and said, " Me. too." "Now that I've been thrown in jail, married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever imagined, I'm in counselling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem was. I said "Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and I'm so lonely," I told him. He said, "Look, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. You should get a dog. 3 Quote
shortordercook Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 [ATTACH=full]12231[/ATTACH] Too funny: I just hung up from some local friends, who ARE on their way to Florida, because it snowed here... :golf: Quote "Occasionally, I am lucky enough to see myself! It is always a great revelation to have a minute of insight that reveals how unimportant are the things I thought so important!" ..myself.
cakewoman Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 [ATTACH=full]11349[/ATTACH] Too cute!! Love dogs. Quote
cakewoman Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 [ATTACH=full]11355[/ATTACH] Love that German Shepherd Quote
cakewoman Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Life After Marriage [ATTACH=full]11356[/ATTACH] Grandma's dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback and Shepherd: they are bred to be lion hunting dogs! 1 Quote
cakewoman Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Grandma's dog is a Rhodesian Ridgeback and Shepherd: they are bred to be lion hunting dogs! We were all a bit afraid of Jake at first, but he is so much fun! Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.